Okay, as my readers know we’re coming up on a year online at BaldPunk.com. So I’m doing a little retrospective.

If you missed it, here is some fiction I posted that was written for venues other than this site.

Short Stories

THE SOUNDS WE MAKE  – This one was written to help clear my head after DARK CHILD, which is below.

Dark Child - Some of the kids I remember most from school are the ones who were abused, humiliated, and degraded on a near daily basis. I bet some of them had it worse at home. For some reason I wanted to capture that. Writing this made me sick to my stomach. It needs some more work.

NO MORE FAIRY TALES. This story tells of a dystopian future, where getting high is a way of life for most people. It’s rated NC-17. Props to Matt Mizerek who did an amazing job with the artwork.

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Novel

THE VIRGIN KING  – This is the first three chapters. The completed novel is about 85,000 words. It’s set in Tudor England in the 1600′s and stars Henry VIII and his daughter, Elizabeth I. I think I might have also adapted a screenplay and a play.

Here are my STORIES and PHOTOS

(Bald Punk)

The other day I gave a pep talk to someone who had started writing their first book. Long story short, I dug through my files and found this article I wrote years ago.

The voice sounds corny, but I still like it.

Keep in mind that I’m no expert on writing. So take this advice on the “left hand side.”

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Bald Punk on Writing 101

Over the years many people have told me that they have a great idea for a story and that I should be the one to write it. Since I’m knee deep in ideas, my response invariably is: “Why not write it YOURSELF?” And you know what, I’m always dead serious. Why shouldn’t I be.

Are you one of these people? Have you ever had an idea for a story or a movie and just wished you could catch the idea of a writer. Or have you ever seen a mediocre movie or read a poorly written bestseller and thought you could do better. Well???

How do you begin, that’s easy, at the beginning of course. But first, forget about the daunting task of writing a book or even a complete story. Your aim is to write one great, and I stress “one great paragraph or opening.” For now don’t concern yourself with questions like: How long should it take me? Or – How many edits or rewrites should I do?

Set your aim and fire! Finish what you start. Time is unimportant. And when you do complete the task, recite the mantra . . . live the mantra: “I did it once, I can do it again.” That paragraph becomes your launching pad into the story. Believe in yourself. Believe in your ability. After all you’ve done it once, you can do it again and again and again.

In writing my first novel I took comfort and inspiration in the first sentence. The nightmare became real the moment Jack opened the door. It was the doorway to the novel that I opened again and again. Although it didn’t turn out to be “The Great American Novel,”  I learned a lot about writing and myself.

First and most importantly: Writing is a thrill.

A friend once said to me, “What if you can’t sell your novel?” (Have you heard of any Bald Punk bestsellers???) “Won’t you be upset at having wasted so much time.”

Without thought–as if writing was as easy as walking down the street, I responded, I’ll write another.

Above all writing is a blast. It can be your own personal Magic Mountain.

The moment the creative juices start flowing, then there’s no stopping the writer within. Trust me on this one. One of the greatest and most inspirational things I’ve ever learned about myself was that inside me was a creative force–seemingly another person that had been lying in wait. Sure I’d caught glimpses of him, but I never imagined how much power he could wield.

It’s time to go in search of your other self. Don’t wait another moment. Go chat, arm-wrestle, or chase that other something that’s inside of you. Find it, catch it, keep it, and nurture it! You’re more creative and intuitive that you ever thought.

Huh? What’s that??? Did I hear you say that writing is time consuming and you’re already too busy?

Nope. Defeat the “buts!”  Writing is fun!

AND YOU CAN squeeze a few moments of pleasure into your life. Just like you make excuses not to exercise or to take out the trash, you will make excuses not to write. Stand up for yourself. Defeat the ‘buts.’

Toe the line. Fight for yourself.

You’re not only smart and creative, but you have a writer camping inside of you. She’s tending the fire, roasting marshmallows, just waiting for daylight to come along. Open the door! Expel the buts! Let the writer breathe.

Let’s try a few clichés. Life ain’t no dress rehearsal. Or how ’bout, life’s too short, so play hard.

You get the picture. Now get on that horse. You’ve got someone sitting by a campfire waiting to talk to you.

Quick tips: Read across the board. Don’t stick to any one single genre, though KNOW the genre in which you plan to write. And get yourself a notebook and write down ALL the words you’re unsure of.

“But, but–” No BUTS! Your mind is a muscle, use it. Strength and entertain it! And guess who’ll reap the rewards???

–YOU WILL.

Although I hope you’re off and running, I’d like to recommend two invaluable books on the subject. Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury and Becoming a Writer by Dorothea Brande.

Enjoy Writing. Enjoy life.

–Bald Punk

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Related posts:

Hemingway on the Brain

How to Structure a Short Story

 Here are my STORIES and PHOTOS

Click on this link to read a short story I wrote titled NO MORE FAIRY TALES. Please keep in mind that the story is rated NC-17.

Props to Matt Mizerek who did an amazing job with the artwork.

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Other fiction I posted here:

DARK CHILD (Short Story)

THE SOUNDS WE MAKE (Short Story)

THE VIRGIN KING (Three Chapters of Novel)

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(Portrait painted by Peter Engels)

Everybody at one time or another hears a song and it repeats in their head throughout the day.

I experienced the same phenomenon, yet it was a piece of writing that took to me.

Yesterday morning in the bathroom I read Hemingway’s short story, THE END OF SOMETHING. Its words and meaning have been with me ever since, sitting right above my stomach.

Man was that guy good. He was real good.

(Hemingway fishing with son, 1935)

I read the story twice. The second time was to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

It reads so simple and effortlessly, tugging the reader along, yet it’s not until the very end that suddenly all the lights and feelers go on inside as you realize how it was actually brilliant in its entirety. The story stays with you . . .

I’m handling a glass Hemingway-paperweight. Inside is a stamp with his face, and below it reads “Good writing is true writing.”

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 (Photo – Ernest Hemingway hard at work)

So far on my blog I’ve posted two short stories, DARK CHILD and THE SOUNDS WE MAKE, along with the first three chapters from a book I also wrote called THE VIRGIN KING.

Right now I’m working on a humongous novel that’s bigger than big. It stretches from colonial times to way into the future. The best thing about this book is that it’s set in NYC. If you’ve read some of the entries here, you know how much I love to write about NY.

I’ll tell you more about that novel and will post some chapters another time. Right now I want to share a little tidbit about writing a short story.

If you ever want to write a story, a simple way to envision how to structure it is to:

1.     Put a person in a difficult situation.

2.     Make it worse.

3.     Resolve it.

I’ve also heard people say, put a woman up in a tree, throw stones at her, then get her down.

Right now I’ll channel ol’ Ernest Hemingway and see if he has any ideas. Wait . . . wait . . . Ernest is speaking to me.

1.     Put a man named Nick in a jungle with a gun.

2.     Give Nick a bottle of whiskey, some super deep thoughts, and a huge mofo animal to kill.

3.     Make each sentence sing and leave them wanting more.

There are different ways to do it, but I hope this helps.

Your friend,

Baldie

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So that’s what the Super Special Post is all about. I hope you aren’t let down. You’ll have to read it and see.

I showed the story to my lady friend a while back, and she didn’t say anything. Her eyes were puffy and red. Maybe she hated it so much it made her cry???

I told her I was gonna post it last night and she didn’t have a notable reaction.

As far as short stories go, I have a tough time writing them. Comparatively, I’ve completed twice as many novels. Though using the term “complete” in regards to writing is truly relative. All my stuff is filed away on my pc and no one is reading it.

Anyway, the short story I’m going to post later on is the darkest thing I’ve ever done. Working on it made me sick. I probably stopped before it was “complete.”

But is was something that was rattling around in my skull for ages, and I’m happy I got it out.

Right now I’m listening to Mirror in the Bathroom by the English Beat. I swear to god that I’m gonna get up and dance around like a nut. You listen to this tune and try not dancing.  Come on!!! Dance with me . . .

Oh, what now? Hold on  . . . I’ll be back in a bit. The Chinese Delivery guy is locked in the bathroom. I kid you not.

I’m back, but I’m still dancing! If you don’t have Beat this! The Best of the English Beat, then you must get it. That is, if you like dancing and having fun. I have it playing in iTunes.

I don’t know when I’m gonna put up the story. I’m just kinda thinking about it, and writing in general. Plus, I’m still trying to find the right pics, maybe I might use a different font?

Btw, I’m reading Lonely Werewolf Girl by Martin Millar and my favorite writer is Henry Miller.

On an unrelated note, I hope everyone in the US is having a nice Memorial Day weekend. Never forget.

Also, thanks to all the mofos outside the US for giving me lots of hits. I see traffic coming from far and wide. I sincerely appreciate it. You have a nice weekend too.

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The fam is gonna chill tonight. I had to work today and am going to watch The Magnificent Seven with Steve McQueen and Yul Brynner. It’s on PBS at 9pm. Those were were two super cool dudes. Maybe too cool, because they both smoked themselves to death.

Now I’m watching the METS play Boston.

My lady friend is in the kitchen making cookies and the pizza and Chinese delivery guys are basically standing on the hem of her dress. They’re worse than dogs.

‘The conversation (if I can call it that) they are having is like a soundtrack for a whacked out foreign film. Though a lot of it I don’t think makes sense in any language.

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Update: Way to go METSIES!!! They came back in the 9th to give Papelbon his first blown save. But what happened in the bottom of the inning was more miraculous. The Mets were stellar defensively. It was a bit of a shocker given how they have been playing.

Oh! I saw a sign behind home plate that read: “Fenway Family Hour.” Anyone know what that’s all about? Maybe the Boston fans act civilized for an hour. I doubt it. Those bastards have been unmanagable since 1620.

Now that I think about it, if it wasn’t for those rowdy New Englanders everyone in the US would probably be living comfortably on the dole and have free health care. There would be no need for Obama to change America into England. But I digress.

Speaking of crazy Boston fans, I went to see the Mets play the Yanks at the old Stadium… I’ll finish this in a bit. LF is calling–

–it was ages ago. Me and my mofos sat all the way up in the right field wing at Yankee Stadium. I remember my seat as four rows from the top and four seats from the end. I was so far away I felt like I was watching the game from Shea. I think David Cone pitched that day and the Yanks won, but because of my seats???

Anyway, before the game we are having fun taunting the Met fans, just some really good natured ribbing and all, when out of the blue two guys start walking up to their seats wearing Boston Redsox jersey.

They never made it. People stared throwing peanuts and stuff. I don’t think they got hurt too badly, but they never made it to their seats.

One last thing on nutty fans. I once went to Camden Yards and I swear to god it was like I had gone to outspace. The people from Baltimore were like Martians. I kid you not.

They were the nicest darn people I ever met, and I had a Yankee hat on, too. That went for people we met in the bars afterwards at Fell’s Point. I never met so many freaking nice people. Even the girls were sweet as pie. Wow!

The only problem I had was when I went to the john at the ballpark. There was this piss drunk Yankee fan making a scene. It was embarrassing. He was yelling all sorts of stupid stuff at the Oriole fans, then he started yelling at me because I wasn’t on his side. Ugh!!! I think I owe an apology to New Englanders, though don’t consider that one. Just hold your breath while I muster it up . . .

So . . . I tell you – God blessed Baltimore. He really did.