Everything is Wrong
(Photos by Bald Punk – Scrappy Doodles)
In the previous post in this series, I was in Central Park being enticed by a sexy, green-colored salesgirl from Strand Bookstore. I left off where I was running after her-into the Phantom Hills of Mannahatta, possibly to my death, or at least, never to be seen again.
But I didn’t die! I’m okay! Who cares, right?
Before I caught up to her, Benny, “the cigar store Indian” jumped on my back and tripped me up. At half my weight, he accomplished the feat by throwing his legs askew. We went right down.
So Benny saved me! I admit it and hope everyone that has emailed me to say, “take it easy on him” is happy. Here I am writing this blog and he has more fans than I do. You know I don’t care. Whatever.
Everyone hates me in my apartment, too. I don’t care!
My lady friend(LF), along with the pizza and Chinese delivery guys(aka num and nuts) drove over to Central Park and picked me and Benny up after he saved my worthless life. We all went back to the apartment, including Benny. He stayed the rest of the night. Which was more like day, because we didn’t get home until late as hell. I have no clue how time passed, just that I didn’t hit the pillow until after 5 am and when I woke, it was after 3 in the afternoon.
When I got out of bed my head was still a mess, and I wouldn’t talk to anyone except my dog, Scrappy D. For once, he had to do doggie-double-duty for me and not num and nuts. Those guys are always at him. Could you imagine being a dog with huge mofo eyes like the Scrapster, and those two guys sticking their nose in your face 700 times an hour? Whoever said “a dog’s life is easy” should take a look at Scrappy’s load—I mean, his lot in life. The little guy has a lot on his plate. And when I’m out of commission, he has to carry the team like he’s A-Rod.
(Cell phone pic of Scrappy D watching me right now)
Benny hung around all day while I slept, and god knows what he told my LF. They probably talked about me and my incorrigible attitude.
In the previous post in this series, do you remember that woman I saw in the subway who really wasn’t there . . . I had a vision of her, where she basically told me nothing I didn’t know already about the sexy green chick. I relayed what happened to Benny, and it turns out, he knows her. He says she’s a seer with otherworldly powers—and that she has a place on Prince Street. She tells fortunes to make a buck, I guess. Whoop-de-do. I’m not going to her shop, so I don’t care.
So Benny talked to the unnamed seer, and she said to ignore any sight of the phantom hills, and to stay away from the sexy green chick. That sounds genius to me!!! I’m totally safe now. Thanks psychic lady.
Oh! I kinda know the green chick’s name, but I’m not supposed to tell you or anyone . . . Her name is “Bebarhs.” Dopey name, right? But for a green chick, she was pretty hot. I think I forgot that description of her in the previous post. She was hot! Ha-ha -hot!
Anyway, that’s it. That’s the end of this post. This episode ends here. I’m ignoring the hills. I’m never writing about them. They don’t exist.
P.S. I know I’m the bad guy. I’m not nice to Benny. I’m grumpy. But the bottom line is this: I still see the hills! I still see the Phantom Hills of Mannahatta!!!
Ten minutes ago I went outside with Scrappy D and saw them. But I’m not supposed to look, I’m supposed to ignore them, but how the heck do you ignore something that’s right in front of your face???
Okay. So, bye again.
P.P.S.S. Don’t hate me.
Here are all the posts in this series: Episode Twenty-One – November 2009