(Spooky picture to get you in the mood for this post – uncredited)
Note: I was interrupted while writing this and had to repost it here: One of NYC’s Biggest Secrets.
I’m a typical New Yorker. I notice shit even though I may seem oblivious.
Take “the jogger” in Central Park. He’s this this guy whom I always see. When I say always—it’s weird because I don’t think about him much, that is, until I see him.
You remember the film I made from my backyard on 4th of July weekend? I saw him then. He came jogging by and like a dumbass I forgot to film him.
Or did I . . .
In general I would never notice this guy. He likes to jog in Central Park like tons of other people.
Hold on a second, my lady friend is talking to me. I have to lower the TV. I’m watching a real good Yankees Encore, while I’m typing–
The landlord is talking loud outside my door, so I’ll notice. The pizza and Chinese delivery guys are looking at me–waiting for me to go and see what he wants. Those two can only face controversy when I’m two steps in front of them.
I’m back! You there??? I hear crickets! Ha! Ha!
The landlord was P.O.’d because I left the bill for a faucet we bought in his mailbox.
You remember I told you about how our old one was from Roman Times, and how I had to cram my hands underneath to wash them? The faucet dripped, too.
We’ll, when we went to Home Depot to get one, we actually went to Costco first. It’s right down the block on 3rd Avenue in the borough of “Yo! Brooklyn’s in da house!” (Inside joke – now that we have a car we scream that every time we cross one of the *East River bridges, even the ones that don’t go to Brooklyn. That’s because we like yelling crap, especially me. I usually yell when I talk. I’m loud.)
The reason we went to Costco instead of Home Depot is because my lady friend’s sister said they had one-and-only-one faucet, and that it was the kind we were looking for. She let us use her Costco card to get inside the place, too.
(Costco, 3rd Ave., Brooklyn – uncredited)
We basically went out of curiosity. We wanted to prove her wrong, plus Costco is whacked out. Everything they sell is in jugs. Jugs of mayo, catsup, sour cream, potato salad, hummus, pickles, olives, three bean salad, hot sauce . . . It’s a crazy place.
But you know what, they did have only one bathroom faucet, and it was perfect!!!
It’s a real bathroom faucet. The kind that is made for men and men only. You can wash your whole forearm under it. Plus you can take a drink of water(NYC water rocks!) and not even touch the spout or get your head wet.
Okay, now that I’ve completely screwed this post up. I’m gonna need a post do-over. I’ll finish it later.
*East River Bridges. They are listed from north to south:
Throgs Neck Bridge (Bronx with Queens)
Bronx-Whitestone Bridge (Queens on Long Island and The Bronx)
Rikers Island Bridge (Queens to Rikers Island (Rikers Island is the most miserable place to go in NYC. It’s a cool bridge though. At night, you might think it leads to a resort. Hopefully someday it will.))
Hell Gate Bridge (railroad bridge between Queens and Randall’s and Ward’s Islands)
Triborough Bridge (three bridges connecting Bronx, Manhattan, and Queens on Long Island, using Ward’s Island and Randall’s Island as intermediate rights-of-way between the water crossings.)
Roosevelt Island Bridge (Manhattan to Roosevelt Island)
Queensboro Bridge (Manhattan to Queens)
Williamsburg Bridge (Manhattan to Brooklyn)
Manhattan Bridge (same as above)
Brooklyn Bridge (same as above)
Here are all the posts in this series: Episode Thirteen – July 2009 (Bald Punk’s Secrets of NY)