Thursday, July 7, 2022


July 14, 2009 by  
Filed under Video Press Release:

The Teleprompter of the United States(TOTUS) fell from its perch, leaving many to wonder why.

One reporter said a message was being relayed from beyond the grave by Karl Marx, but Josef Stalin was crying, “It’s my Turn! It’s my Turn! Don’t ignore me like you do the Clintons!”

And it was then that TOTUS’s wires to these great men got crossed, leading it to descend most unspectacularly to the ground.

Though that report has already been countered by an unnamed source from MSNBC who said, “My name is not Keith Olbermann, and I know for certain the fall was prompted by Mahatma Gandhi having a little gas. I could smell curry. I could, I could.” 

Bill O’Reilly is dispatching a woman from his stable of blondes wearing one of the tight, investigative reporter outfits. Her job is to get to down to the bottom of it. Bill has vowed to “rip the throat out of anyone” who ogles her on the way down.

Upon hearing the threat, the man who had said he was not Keith Obermann, said, “I’ve never ogled anyone at FOX NEWS except for Bill O–and only because I like his waddle.”

On the south lawn of the White House, Al Gore pushed aside the gopher in front of him and peered out of his hole, crying, “It was Global Warming, I mean Global Cooling, that did it. Or, you know, Climate something or other.”

From an even darker place in a sub, sub, sub basement somewhere, Joe Biden smirked and said, “Now that guy’s an a-hole.”

Upon being told of all the hubbub, Barack laughed in a guttural, though-still Presidential manner. “I wouldn’t even notice if one of those skinny-assed blonde’s from FOX NEWS stepped in between me and my Teleprompter.”

“You better not,” said his wife Michelle.

After getting the new intel, Bill O’Reilly climbed out of his coffin, braving the light of day and jumped all over the blonde, saying, “Send the cleaning lady ‘with the nice butt’ instead.”

No matter how it’s resolved, no matter what “it” is, Timmy Geithner is preparing a bailout plan.


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One Response to “TOTUS FALLS!”
  1. lazydazy says:

    f–k these politicians and their f–king bu—it,
    I don’t want my f–king paycheck going to these wh–res

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