Thursday, July 7, 2022

Nice Post about the Pizza and Chinese Delivery Guys

May 9, 2009 by  
Filed under Stories



Sorry I couldn’t post last night! But it was whacked!!!

And you know what, I left out the most important part of my lady friend’s gauntlet. Not only do I have to post something nice about the pizza and Chinese delivery guys(aka num and nuts), but it has to come from the heart.

Oh, she slayed me with that one. Especially because she was so PO’d at the time.

So there we were last night, my lady friend(LF) sitting on the couch with her arms folded, and num and nuts looking at me like I had head lice. Except for when my LF looks up, then they pouted just like her.


What’s worse was that I’m ready to jet. Dressed in my finest black leather; my dome was all waxed and shiny. Man, I’m ready to go out with my mofos and kick-it all the way to Miami FLA.


And man was I racking my brain for what I could post about num and nuts. It didn’t help that I got the feeling from them  that they would have shoved me off on a block of ice, Eskimo style–if they had the chance. But I didn’t hold it against them. They’re whacked.


And then it hits me! I know what will make it all right. What’s better, I know that in less than a minute my lady will be all silly for her Baldie.


So I start smiling. We’re talking cash-flush, Vegas grin. We’re talking—I am the shit.


You had to see the change come over num and nuts. They started looking at me like I was Captain America, come to save the night of partying in the Village. (You know those two like to get their freak on!) They hadn’t a clue what I was going to say, and they were already mightily impressed with it.


Of course, my LF senses what going on and finally, after like forever, she looks me.


Then it seemed like thirty seconds later we were on the subway, rattling our way into the night. Zip! Bang! Boom! And the whole happy fam was rocketing down to the Village to kick-it big time.

That’s because it took just four simple words from my lips to do a Houdini. Four words to reclaim hero status. Four words and we were Columbus. We were his-tor-ry!

So what were those simple four words you ask? Four would that made me a shining star in the heavens. I looked at num and nuts and said: “They could be punks.”

You had to see the two of them — they lit up like Christmas trees. But my LF wasn’t instantly sold, but she was smiling. She could tell I wasn’t foolin’.

Now you bastards got to know, I might ramble, but when it comes to digging down deep, I go there like it’s K-Mart. And in a second I brought my lady to Rockefeller Center to see the Lights. I laid all my cards on the table.

I said: “They don’t do drugs.”

Now she knew I was serious when I said num and nuts could be punks, and she smiled like the world was made of diamonds.

Hope we’re good now chick from Norway.

Your friend,


Here are all the posts in this series: Fifth Episode – May 2009

Weekend Wipeout, Redux!

Nice Post about Pizza and Chinese Delivery Guys

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